Its not funny anymore........

I wonder where and when did I lose my humour . I just cant appreciate anything remotely cheerful around me. I can make a 100 people laugh at the drop of a hat but I cant make myself cheerful...Everything around me seems to be falling apart. its an irony that just when I ought get more serious about things in general like LIFE, I could not have felt less cheerful than I am at these times........I have kept myself in the closet for too long(a mental block of some kind).........long enough to devoid me of all the humour in this world.......Its not funny anymore.......I cant imagine life without a sense of humour....In testing times people need to lighten up but what do I do if my testing times begin when I lose my sense of humour!!!!!!

IT CAN NEVER BE YOUR BEST

The best you feel cant be put into words.....the best you do cant be appreciated by anyone else......

The best I feel can be put in drafts ........the best I do is never good enough for me.......

ITS ALL NEW TO ME !!!!

After an outburst there seems to have been a lull thats lasted longer than it should have.... I started writing this post with something very specific in mind and yet I might end up with writing something very general, something very vague and make it sound like it actually has something to do with the title as well as the purpose of this post.Lets see how this ends then .....

Most of my posts here are more to myself than to anyone else.You would probably say thats what everyone does. Write more for and to themselves than the ones who read it. But I always take it a step too far by making sure its full of riddles and you would have to literally interrogate me to get to the root of the matter(and still would not get the full details). Its not a very unusual thing though, is it? I mean a lot of bloggers do it but I just dont leave the practice here in the virtual world and take it back with me. Maybe I lived in denial(no thats not it!!!) or maybe I just was plain indifferent towards it(hmm...sometimes maybe....) but I just realized (well...not just now!...over the last few days I guess) that I wasnt probably aware of it for the most part.

I know I know this still isnt getting anywhere substantially close to being specific and is still a bit confusing but its a start nevertheless. I am a self proclaimed emotional retard(inappropriate word maybe) i.e. someone who doesnt get emotional when he should and does so when he shouldnt ( a lack of co-ordination between the mind and heart i guess). I am just too much of a guy in that respect i guess(not talking things out). When I started the post I thought of being more forthright but here I am thinking to myself that it is sounding lame already( I am kinda insensitive towards myself ). For once I wish I could cut out on all the humor just for a few minutes(the harder I try the more difficult it already is).

The fact that I am changing in this regard makes me feel more human . Though I still have doubts over this but its a welcome change, a fresh start maybe is needed. I know its full of ambiguity but cant help it as its all new to me.